Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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