New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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