need another drink. this is the easiest way
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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