Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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