he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
