a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
