I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
