I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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