Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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