3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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