Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
