census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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