Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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