just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
