Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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