where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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