Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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