I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
