"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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