just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
