I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've blown a few things in my day
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He better not be in your backpack
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
