rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
and you fell through a lawn chair
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
