I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
