It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
