I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
