you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
