1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize