don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
