Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
