in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
