she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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