Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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