I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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