found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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