I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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