You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
