i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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