The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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