Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
