When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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