For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
