Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
