Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
