I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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