You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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