I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
