No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize