I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
