Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
