I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
