I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
