I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
