Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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