You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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