I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
