You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
