"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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