I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
