You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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