could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
