I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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