we're blogging at a bar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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