I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
