if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
