I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
