she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
