hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I just put wine in my tea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
